I’m jumping on this “$#*!” My Dad Says bandwagon but with a twist.
Ever wonder what dogs would say if they could talk? Well I’ve been fortunate enough, after an unfortunate UFO incident, to be able to interpret K9 dialect. No I haven’t lost my mind but yes I am joking. Anyway, so here’s “Crap My Dog Says”:

• “Why are so many humans so unhappy all the time? Don’t they realize the sun’s most likely going to come up again tomorrow and earth’s not a bad place? Maybe someone should take them to a human park regularly to play and have fun?”

• “What’s for breakfast?”

• “Hey, why don’t you come over here and rub on my tummy a while? It’ll make us both feel better!”

• “You humans sure do waste a lot of time on mindless TV shows. I’m taking a nap.”

• “Let me take you for a walk around the block. It’ll do us both some good.”

• “Don’t you wish you could walk around with no clothes on all day.”

• “Some of you would have no business walking around with no clothes on all day.”

• “What’s for lunch?”

• “Did you know dog slobber actually keeps you looking younger and living longer? Here, let me put a little on your face.”

• “I know my nose is cold! That’s why I like touching it on you to see you jump!”

• “Do I want to go outside? Heck no it’s 98 degrees out there.”

• “Believe it or not I can drink out of a glass and it wouldn’t be near as messy.”

• “Hey, look here, I can touch my nose with my tongue. Can you?”

• “Yeah well you ought to hear some of the noises you make while you’re sleeping.”

• “What’s for dinner?”

• “What is this Japan or something? Everything you feed me has rice in it.”

• “Actually I love cats. Why don’t you bring the neighbor’s over here and let me show you how much.”

• And my favorite is what my dog says every time I come home, “Welcome home friend, I sure did miss you.”

Have any favorite things your dog says?